Daydreams

walking through the world one day 
there are no black flies
and the only words out of anyone's mouth are...


You are welcome.
You are beautiful.
Have you lost some weight?
Won't you come in?
I am happy you are here.
I missed you.
I love you.
I love you still.
I love you more. 
I love you with all of my heart.
I love you more than life itself.
I am grateful to you.
I have this money for you.
You are brilliant.
I see your talent.
You are a great writer.
You are right. 
Did I mention that you are beautiful?
You glow.
I wouldn't change anything about you.
I think you are wonderful.
I am giving you what you want.
Yes, I am giving you what you want.
Wow.

Dream Journal

I had one of those nights where I couldn't sleep and by that I mean: I was fighting sleep (or some combination of my head/heart wouldn't let me sleep). Too many thoughts, tears, memories, etc. You know what I mean. I know you do. There are those nights when late night aloneness with deep sadness comes. They just come.

I finally fell asleep for a few moments or maybe a few hours, and was jolted awake by these thoughts. This morning I found them written in my dream journal:

Lack of sleep becomes sacred

like an alter object
holding space for loss

JenMarie made my dream journal.
It is one of my most sacred objects.
Plus I like to stick my face in it and breath in the leather deep.

kitchen closet

The kitchen closet, where, if I could fit, I'd be eating nuts, drinking wine, and reading a cookbook while my husband works in another room, dreaming of dinner.

Because I can't fit in the closet, I do all these things in the kitchen and pretend no one can see me. No one has seen me yet.