Job Hunting

Again, I have nothing. I am sorry. I've given everything to cover letters and questions that should be reserved for a face-to-face interview. Grrr.

breeding season

Pokie does not want to wait for the bucks to be brought. She doesn't care for the farmer's math, which says it's best not to have kids in February. When Jasmine and I moved the goats this morning to begin milking, she wandered over to Sundance and Iggy's pen, tail wagging and showing her gums. Both bucks perked up and began sniffing the air. In the words of Michelle Tea: girlstink. Bucks pee on themselves in order to attract ladies. Don't stand too close to Sundance, Cathy warns. He might pee on you.


Sorry, Pokie. You have to wait. (But we don't: make out in the orchard like furtive teenagers)

A Form of Exile in a Country Under Construction*

(*the title of this post is swiped from an interview in Trickhouse.org)

My Daily Horoscope: This quality of time will help you to develop a deeper understanding of those psychological areas that are connected with the experience of pain, suffering and rejection. This influence is especially well suited to so deepening the understanding of these interrelations that the first inklings of how to carry out a healing can be perceived. During this phase it is important to talk to other people who are interested in this theme. This time is well suited to penetrating the complicated connections and dependencies between human behavior, the psyche and early injuries - to differentiate between cause and effect, whether for yourself or for someone who has confided in you. (www.astro.com)

Country: the land of a person's birth, residence, or citizenship (Definition 2a from Merriam-Webster Dictonary)

I believe in horoscopes. I believe in signs. I believe in going into the darkness and trusting that there will be again be light. I believe that I am a body/mind/spirit under construction. Not an island, but a country, with distinct boundaries (skin, eyes, mouth, fingernails) and borders (personal history, gains, losses, relationships, childhood, hurts, healing) that are sometimes difficult to cross, both outward and inward. Ethically I do not believe in country borders, but I acknowledge that they exist. I live very close to the border between Mexico and Los Estados Unidos.

I cannot pretend that there is not a wall being built. I cannot pretend that there are not drones. I cannot pretend that borders do not cause pain and suffering.

Raw: Unburnt, unbaked; not hardened or fused by fire. (Definition 1d from OED)

Pain, suffering, and rejection. I like it better when my horoscope speaks of romance, friendship, and money. But today the stars are encouraging me to engage on these topics. So here I am unbaked by fire. And again exploring the topic of suffering. I keep returning to this unlearned lesson. I would rather reach the part of the cycle where I am a being composed entirely of light.

Exile: Enforced removal from one's native country. / Self-imposed absence from one's country. (Definitions 1a and 1b from answers.com)

I believe that pain, suffering, and rejection can cause a form of exile. Enforced or self-imposed removal from the true self. A desire/longing to banish one’s self from the object of scorn: the rejected self, the painful suffering self. This form of exile from a country under construction is dangerous.

The bridge could be blown up and how would I return across an ocean that I cannot see across?

over

The doorman of our hotel has a 1 week old. Ditto the man grilling corn on the roof last night. They were both 6 feet of shocked exhaustion. Wobbling disbelief.

sneaky peek of a new trading card

Embrace your inner hobo!

as I was moving out of The BabyHead Wax Factory formerly Known as a Monster of Debauchery, the rain came and left. As the sun fell into the rocks, a double rainbow formed, arcing over the warehouse. This photo does not capture the spectrum of the sight. It does transfer the symbol. I ask myself what it means, and laugh at my brain. What does it mean? What do I want it to mean? This double rainbow signifies the harmony, balance, and beauty of what has been, what will be and what it is now. The rain brings clarity, we see ourselves in that reflection. I am harmony, I am balance I am beauty. Harmony in an Overwhelming world of Beauty and Opportunity..or H.O.B.O . Embrace your inner hobo, let go of the reins, allow space for resonance, defy contrived order. It is all chaos. What does it mean? What do you want it to mean?

surficial

Witness

When she loves him, life is scary.

Stopped at the light on Clinton River Road and Riverland, she watches a squirrel chasing another one through a yard when suddenly the first squirrel darts into the street. The second squirrel flees after the first, but an oncoming car smashes it flat. Across the street, the first squirrel stops to look for the other, but the other is gone.

Daydreams

walking through the world one day 
there are no black flies
and the only words out of anyone's mouth are...


You are welcome.
You are beautiful.
Have you lost some weight?
Won't you come in?
I am happy you are here.
I missed you.
I love you.
I love you still.
I love you more. 
I love you with all of my heart.
I love you more than life itself.
I am grateful to you.
I have this money for you.
You are brilliant.
I see your talent.
You are a great writer.
You are right. 
Did I mention that you are beautiful?
You glow.
I wouldn't change anything about you.
I think you are wonderful.
I am giving you what you want.
Yes, I am giving you what you want.
Wow.

Good News

When I get like this, I make a list of all the good news in my life:

-My boyfriend just got a well paying, work-from-home job with benefits. This means we'll be able to meet our mortgage.

-I am nearly halfway though my final graduate semester.

-There is always a weekend to look forward to.

-My hair looks great. (Not today, but I have a perfect cut.)

-I am writing new material again.

-I submitted an application with Broward College. Since I know someone who teaches in their English Dept, I have a chance of landing an adjunct position starting in January.

Because it was once submerged

I've been working on a video poem set in the subway.

Carpeted Stairs > Tile Kitchen, Dreaming > Not

GHOST DOG

to which is language most important?

the phenomenal world,

the barely seen world,

or the unseen world?

Naming the Animals

canine priorities

one cubic yard of compost > tennis ball

As we were talking, he began to make drawings.

The story wouldn't include what happens next.

Saw my aunt & uncle today, who are CV's great aunt & great uncle, which felt quite strange to me, the fact that I made someone a great aunt. A kind of power.