A Form of Exile in a Country Under Construction*

(*the title of this post is swiped from an interview in Trickhouse.org)

My Daily Horoscope: This quality of time will help you to develop a deeper understanding of those psychological areas that are connected with the experience of pain, suffering and rejection. This influence is especially well suited to so deepening the understanding of these interrelations that the first inklings of how to carry out a healing can be perceived. During this phase it is important to talk to other people who are interested in this theme. This time is well suited to penetrating the complicated connections and dependencies between human behavior, the psyche and early injuries - to differentiate between cause and effect, whether for yourself or for someone who has confided in you. (www.astro.com)

Country: the land of a person's birth, residence, or citizenship (Definition 2a from Merriam-Webster Dictonary)

I believe in horoscopes. I believe in signs. I believe in going into the darkness and trusting that there will be again be light. I believe that I am a body/mind/spirit under construction. Not an island, but a country, with distinct boundaries (skin, eyes, mouth, fingernails) and borders (personal history, gains, losses, relationships, childhood, hurts, healing) that are sometimes difficult to cross, both outward and inward. Ethically I do not believe in country borders, but I acknowledge that they exist. I live very close to the border between Mexico and Los Estados Unidos.

I cannot pretend that there is not a wall being built. I cannot pretend that there are not drones. I cannot pretend that borders do not cause pain and suffering.

Raw: Unburnt, unbaked; not hardened or fused by fire. (Definition 1d from OED)

Pain, suffering, and rejection. I like it better when my horoscope speaks of romance, friendship, and money. But today the stars are encouraging me to engage on these topics. So here I am unbaked by fire. And again exploring the topic of suffering. I keep returning to this unlearned lesson. I would rather reach the part of the cycle where I am a being composed entirely of light.

Exile: Enforced removal from one's native country. / Self-imposed absence from one's country. (Definitions 1a and 1b from answers.com)

I believe that pain, suffering, and rejection can cause a form of exile. Enforced or self-imposed removal from the true self. A desire/longing to banish one’s self from the object of scorn: the rejected self, the painful suffering self. This form of exile from a country under construction is dangerous.

The bridge could be blown up and how would I return across an ocean that I cannot see across?