9/2/10

The Truth of the Matter

This silence is mine; what's inside won't come out. Sometimes, I am fucking my lover, and I can't say "I'm too dry; make me wetter." My voice might start another story. One in which he does the things I can't bring myself to ask for: "I'm too dry; make me wetter." Instead of just moans. O's and breaths too staggered and simple to mean anything but fuck. I don't want to say I need something. I am a person who doesn't need anything from anyone, so I have told myself. If we're fucking, skin so close it's glued, can't he feel his cock pulling at my canal? I am being turned inside out. From my first lover, I learned not to mind. From my second lover, I learned to mind, but not ask. The learning stopped there. My second throat might vibrate the right sounds, but I've been plugged, stopped up with cock, that throat choked. He can't tell, my lover, even though he shares, even though he listens, even though he is delighted by the sight of my tongue and the flicking of spit that comes with talking, I can't speak I can't speak I can't speak. He is watching. I look pleasured. I am, sort of.
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4 comments:

  1. Kristen Stone9/2/10, 4:00 PM

    hi. moment of recognition. thank you.

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  2. Kristen9/2/10, 4:25 PM

    [I am likely going to offend someone with this comment.]

    First thought: has she ever had sex with a woman?

    I realize that this is gender-biased and that not everyone is queer. However, as someone who unlearned the lessons of silence in the sexual company of woman, this is the first thought that came into my mind. Wanted to let you know where one of your reader's minds went when reading your piece. From cock to not-cock.

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  3. Angie Adore9/3/10, 10:42 AM

    I welcome the question, as this is clearly a heterosexually driven poem. Of course, this really about a more a lack of recognition of female pleasure in heterosexual sex. I honestly think it came out of an article I read about a feminist sex positive porn star, and I thought about how there must be other feminist sex positive porn stars out there, but we never hear about them. Or rather, hear from them. This is actually a piece I am now going to include in the MS. The manuscript examines both heterosexual and homosexual sex, love, and monogamy.

    For the record, yes, she has. But she was young. See: http://ladywordsmith.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/april-and-abril/

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kristen9/3/10, 11:57 AM

    I look forward to reading your completed MS, Angela Dear. Yes, I do.

    ReplyDelete

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